Saturday, May 14, 2016

Being a Pirate must have been miserable.

 Being a Pirate must have been miserable.  Now I'm not talking about that bloke down the pub who sells dodgy dvd's, nor am I talking about the so called Somali pirates, these are just water borne terrorist scum.
 No I'm talking about "proper" good old fashioned Long John Silver type pirates.
 For a start you had to say things like...  " 'Awr-kins. 'Tis a proper seafarin' name too."  or "Sit ee down at table to starboard if ye kindly will, aaaaaarrrrrrrrr."  or even better..  "Truce be over! Cutlasses, you swabs! Slash 'em down!"  In your best Robert Newton voice.
 Then theres all that climbing the rigging in a storm, bloody dangerous, I wonder what health and safety make of it?  Still even thats better than having your leg cut off and swopped for a peg-leg, then a hand so you can have a hook.  Even a bloody eye gouged out just to wear an eye patch, bloody daft if you ask me.
 Then theres the digging, I mean come on, you've got a bloody wooden leg and a hook and you have to dig up the treasure?  Not exactly forward planning was it, so much for the words "able" seaman, disabled seaman more like.
 And last but not least theres the drinking urine when the water runs out.  Not funny at the best of times, but when all you have to eat is a hard tack biscuits full of weevils I bet washing it down with a pint of urine made it taste so much better.  Still I suppose on the plus side Bear Grylls would sign up in a heartbeat, all that free urine... Yep he's in....

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