Wednesday, May 25, 2016
I really wonder sometimes if all the people in my area and bonkers. In the last few days I've seen a couple old enough to know better walk out in front of traffic on a busy main road twice. A cyclist going like the clappers come around a blind bend on the wrong side of the road (if a car had been coming he'd be dead)
A "stealth" cyclist all in black with no lights riding up the middle of a one way street the wrong way at night.
Two women walking down the road alongside the pavment (why for fucks sake?) And today two women riding past the no entry sign into a one way yet again the wrong way.
Note to cyclists, the law applies to you too, red traffic lights mean stop, no entry means no fucking entry retard, riding on the pavements is not permitted, and lights are required by law after sunset.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Well being bored out of my mind on the weekend I went to see Clyne in Bloom, the riot of flowery delight... Except it was crap.
The biggest problem was the lack of blooms. people expect lots of flowers with a title like that, sadly Clyne has mostly bushes.. and worse mostly the same bushes. Boring doesn't come close.
Yes there was a few stalls selling plants, and a few gazebo things flogging tea and cakes, but as for a riot of colourful blooms pretty much bugger all.
Then theres the dogs. Yes I know they are mans best friend, but it's a park, people take their children there to play. A park covered in dog crap isn't much fun to play in, and they are supposed to be on leads. I think I did see one on a lead, but that was about it. And seriously there were hundreds there when I went. I honestly though there was a dog show on there.
So with the constant barking and dogs fighting and dopy dog owners shouting "comehereyoubastard" there was no peace and quiet, loads of dog shit and bugger all flowers. yep! Blooming awful is about right.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Beware of low flying planes.... Or at least duck...
On a more serious note none of these aircraft are doing anything wrong, whats not shown is they are just about to land and are almost on the end of the runway, so they are not being dangerous or playing silly buggers, just making a normal landing.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Being a Pirate must have been miserable. Now I'm not talking about that bloke down the pub who sells dodgy dvd's, nor am I talking about the so called Somali pirates, these are just water borne terrorist scum.
No I'm talking about "proper" good old fashioned Long John Silver type pirates.
For a start you had to say things like... " 'Awr-kins. 'Tis a proper seafarin' name too." or "Sit ee down at table to starboard if ye kindly will, aaaaaarrrrrrrrr." or even better.. "Truce be over! Cutlasses, you swabs! Slash 'em down!" In your best Robert Newton voice.
Then theres all that climbing the rigging in a storm, bloody dangerous, I wonder what health and safety make of it? Still even thats better than having your leg cut off and swopped for a peg-leg, then a hand so you can have a hook. Even a bloody eye gouged out just to wear an eye patch, bloody daft if you ask me.
Then theres the digging, I mean come on, you've got a bloody wooden leg and a hook and you have to dig up the treasure? Not exactly forward planning was it, so much for the words "able" seaman, disabled seaman more like.
And last but not least theres the drinking urine when the water runs out. Not funny at the best of times, but when all you have to eat is a hard tack biscuits full of weevils I bet washing it down with a pint of urine made it taste so much better. Still I suppose on the plus side Bear Grylls would sign up in a heartbeat, all that free urine... Yep he's in....
Friday, May 13, 2016
Well after loosing a hundred and eleventy three gallons of blood, leaving me just enough for a mildly peckish anorexic mosquito to put on a small water biscuit I'm ok, a small plaster covered the cut.
Ok fair enough I might be exaggerating just a smidgen on the amount of blood I lost (well I am a bloke) but it's bloody sore, and boy did it sting when I put the antiseptic wipe on it, it hurt more than when I cut it.
Still I'm alive and well-ish, all I need now is a large bloodhound for a transfusion and I'll be sorted.