Tuesday, May 31, 2016
"The Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard platoon deal with a visiting female journalist and a German spy as World War II draws to its conclusion." IMDb
The film follows the home guard in the later stage of the war shortly before the invasion, a German spy has the invasion plans and by chance Mainwaring and his men have to stop it getting to Germany.
Toby Jones as Captain Mainwaring.
Bill Nighy as Sergent Wilson.
Michael Gambon as Private Godfrey.
Blake Harrison as Private Pike.
Daniel Mays as private Walker.
Tom Courtney as Lance corporal Jones.
Bill Patterson as private Frasier.
Catherine Zeta-Jones as Rose Winter.
And a nice touch Frank Willians as the vicar (he was the vicar in the original series) and Ian Lavender as Brigadier Pritchard (the original Private Pike)
The setting and weapons are right for the period but the film seems to be lacking something. As a comedy it fails dismally, it's just not funny, indeed theres very few attempts at even being funny, it's mostly serious.
Does it compare to the original tv series and film.. No! Buy or rent the original, much better and a LOT funnier.
Bill Nighy does a good job of copying Private Godfrey, and Tom Courtney tries hard to be Lance Corporal Jones, he's close, but it's not quite there, the rest have little in common with the original cast.
Waynes rating 5/10 it's ok but don't watch it if your a fan of the original series, you'll be disappointed..
Monday, May 30, 2016
Well I tried to watch it, honestly I did. After about three minutes of Chris Evans I'd started vomiting, by four and a half minutes my ears had started to bleed. Then when we got to about six minutes my spleen cuts it's way out and ran into the road and laid down waiting for a bus to run it over for mercy-full relief.
I turned the telly off at that point, I need the rest of my organs.
Sorry Chris your total shit, the "new" Top Gear is about as much fun as sticking your genitals in a bees nest and counting to five hundred very slowly.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Oh joy it's a bank holiday weekend. Now we can look forward to it pissing down with rain. Ice creams being £4 each, crap fetes charging £5 to walk around the local park and be chased by dogs.
A 17 hour trafic jam because a chav in a Ford mondeo lost a wheel trim on the motorway and the highways agency have closed 300 miles of motorway while one man in a yellow jacket talks into his phone while pretending to look for it.
Flights will be delayed, despite the passengers having to turn up 3 days before the flight to check in (yet curiously first class passengers can still arrive a lot later and their luggage manages to make the flight)
Traffic wardens will be out in force ticketing cars that stop at the traffic lights.
The twenty first century transport system will have bugger all buses or trains running, despite the fact everybody want to go out.
Staying at home wont be any fun either, telly will have more repeats of Porridge and Last of the Summer Wine. The garden will be full of smoke from people trying to light their barbecue in the pouring rain and howling gale, and you'll be deafened by the lawn mowers and strimmers.
Well theres good news and bad news, Top Gear is back. The Good news is the program starts tomorrow... The bad news is it "stars" Chris "ginger" Evans. Matt LeBlanc-look. Sabine Schmitz. Chris Harris. Eddie Jordan and Rory Reid.
Chris Evans. Started on radio (and we can see why) then he did 2 years on the big breakfast, from there he went back to radio, following a lot of "issues" with the radio and changing stations he did the short lived OFI before returning to radio, indeed he's moved around a LOT, mostly following controversy.
Matt LeBlanc. Starting with a Heinz advert he moved on to Friends (12 years) that was follwoed by a 5 year gap, since then he's appeared in Episodes (tv series)
Sabine Schmitz. Best known for driving around the Nürburgring about 20.000 times in the Nürburgring taxi , and driving for BMW and Porsche.
Chris Harris. Best know as a youtube journalist, and occasional racing driver (mostly at Nürburgring)
Rory Reid. Motoring journalist and youtuber.
Eddie Jordan. an Irish former motorsport team boss, businessman, presenter, entrepreneur, musician and mentor. He was the founder and owner of Jordan grand prix and formula one constructor which operated from 1991 to 2005.
So what do we actually have?, a radio presenter, 2 youtubers and ex formula one boss, a racing driver, and a tv actor. Well doesn't that sound like a recipe for success.... Err No!
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
I really wonder sometimes if all the people in my area and bonkers. In the last few days I've seen a couple old enough to know better walk out in front of traffic on a busy main road twice. A cyclist going like the clappers come around a blind bend on the wrong side of the road (if a car had been coming he'd be dead)
A "stealth" cyclist all in black with no lights riding up the middle of a one way street the wrong way at night.
Two women walking down the road alongside the pavment (why for fucks sake?) And today two women riding past the no entry sign into a one way yet again the wrong way.
Note to cyclists, the law applies to you too, red traffic lights mean stop, no entry means no fucking entry retard, riding on the pavements is not permitted, and lights are required by law after sunset.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Well being bored out of my mind on the weekend I went to see Clyne in Bloom, the riot of flowery delight... Except it was crap.
The biggest problem was the lack of blooms. people expect lots of flowers with a title like that, sadly Clyne has mostly bushes.. and worse mostly the same bushes. Boring doesn't come close.
Yes there was a few stalls selling plants, and a few gazebo things flogging tea and cakes, but as for a riot of colourful blooms pretty much bugger all.
Then theres the dogs. Yes I know they are mans best friend, but it's a park, people take their children there to play. A park covered in dog crap isn't much fun to play in, and they are supposed to be on leads. I think I did see one on a lead, but that was about it. And seriously there were hundreds there when I went. I honestly though there was a dog show on there.
So with the constant barking and dogs fighting and dopy dog owners shouting "comehereyoubastard" there was no peace and quiet, loads of dog shit and bugger all flowers. yep! Blooming awful is about right.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Beware of low flying planes.... Or at least duck...
On a more serious note none of these aircraft are doing anything wrong, whats not shown is they are just about to land and are almost on the end of the runway, so they are not being dangerous or playing silly buggers, just making a normal landing.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Being a Pirate must have been miserable. Now I'm not talking about that bloke down the pub who sells dodgy dvd's, nor am I talking about the so called Somali pirates, these are just water borne terrorist scum.
No I'm talking about "proper" good old fashioned Long John Silver type pirates.
For a start you had to say things like... " 'Awr-kins. 'Tis a proper seafarin' name too." or "Sit ee down at table to starboard if ye kindly will, aaaaaarrrrrrrrr." or even better.. "Truce be over! Cutlasses, you swabs! Slash 'em down!" In your best Robert Newton voice.
Then theres all that climbing the rigging in a storm, bloody dangerous, I wonder what health and safety make of it? Still even thats better than having your leg cut off and swopped for a peg-leg, then a hand so you can have a hook. Even a bloody eye gouged out just to wear an eye patch, bloody daft if you ask me.
Then theres the digging, I mean come on, you've got a bloody wooden leg and a hook and you have to dig up the treasure? Not exactly forward planning was it, so much for the words "able" seaman, disabled seaman more like.
And last but not least theres the drinking urine when the water runs out. Not funny at the best of times, but when all you have to eat is a hard tack biscuits full of weevils I bet washing it down with a pint of urine made it taste so much better. Still I suppose on the plus side Bear Grylls would sign up in a heartbeat, all that free urine... Yep he's in....
Friday, May 13, 2016
Well after loosing a hundred and eleventy three gallons of blood, leaving me just enough for a mildly peckish anorexic mosquito to put on a small water biscuit I'm ok, a small plaster covered the cut.
Ok fair enough I might be exaggerating just a smidgen on the amount of blood I lost (well I am a bloke) but it's bloody sore, and boy did it sting when I put the antiseptic wipe on it, it hurt more than when I cut it.
Still I'm alive and well-ish, all I need now is a large bloodhound for a transfusion and I'll be sorted.