Going through a bad patch.

 

 Truth be told I'm having a bad time at the moment.  My life is not great and I'm struggling to cope.   

 The last year or so has been very hard with the loss of my mother hitting me harder than I expected, I coped much better whan my father died many years ago.

 Over the last few months theres been other family issues that have put strain on me.  Saying I was streesed is putting it mildly.  Plus I still havent really had time to grieve for my mother properly, that and other factors are catching up with me.

 While I put on a brave face to the world, inside I'm struggling, really struggling.

 I'm really wondering how much more my aging body will take before the stressful life I've had will catch up with me (my lifes more or less been stressful forever)  I've noticed my health declining recently, old age is drawing me in.  

  Oh I try and stay fit, walk as much as I can, try to relax by walking and shooting the pics you see on the blog, but as the adverts say "it's a time limted offer" one day it will run out. Then it's half a day with the undertaker.

 Dont take this the wrong way, I'm not thinking of self harming or anything like that, thats not me.  I just think that time is getting low, one day the clock will beat me.  Like everybody else.

 Dont get me wrong, I'm not afraid of death, to be honest many years ago I never expected to live past 45, I'm the wrong side of 70 now.  And death has no fears, I'm not a religious person I just think we knew nothing before we were born, we'll know nothing after we die.  You cant avoid death so why worry about it.  

 My mother had a fear of dying alone, she had my brother and I there when she died.  It's not nice watching someone you love die (I've had more than my share) I'd rather not put my children through it.  Yes it's nice to say goodbye, my mother couldnt, she was too ill, but she knew we were there.  Thats what mattered.  

My boys and family know I love them.  I dont need to say it.

 More pics tomorrow.  Thanks for staying with me on this post.  Hopfully tomorrows will be more cheerfull.