Some things I'm not planning on doing over the new year

 Heres a few things I probably wont be doing over the new year.

1.  I wont be going to Trafalgar Square to welcome in the new year.  Frankly if it needs a ring of steel and rooftop snipers I'm probably safer sitting on the sofa watching it on telly!

2.  I wont be taking down the fairy off the Christmas tree by standing on the sofa with a bulldog trip hazard and a large box of Christmas decorations to help break my fall and help reduce the impact between head and fireplace (CoughShirleyCough)

3.  Loose weight by inventing an anti gravity device

4.  Using my brand new electirc toothbrush, because it comes with a bloody two pin plug and I don't have an adaptor!