Things not to say to the bride and groom on the wedding day

Things not to say to the bride....

When is it due?

Shoud the cake be on it's side?

Is that dress the right size for you?

You hair looks.... errr lovely.

Who did your spray tan, Willy Wonker?

The chief bridsmaid was saying the grooms very good in bed.

Things not to say to the groom....

She looks a bit of a goer! (looking at bride)

So you fell for the I'm pregnant joke then?

The photographer wont come into the church, he's taking pictures of the burning wedding car outside.

She looks ok for her age doesn't she?

I never thought you two would get married not after she...... errr never mind.

Things not to say to the vicar...

They'll be in soon, they are just having a quickie in the vestry.

Look I know she's too pissed to say yes but we're all here now, can we find a way around it?

I thought this was a catholic church?

I'm not signing anything untill my solictors read it!

Who's playing the organ, Les Dawson?

I's sorry she's late, but the silly fucking bitch is never on time!

Why are there collection plates?  We've paid for the wedding.

You are a real vicar?